Bear Caves Complete Series: A Bear Shifter Box Set Page 8

  I’m getting out of bed when Jessica calls my name. I turn to look at her. She is peeking through the blanket like a curious little cat, her ruffled hair crowning her head. She looks unspeakably pretty lying in bed. I want to reach for her and touch her skin. But she speaks again.

  “Who’s Mia?” she asks in her groggy morning voice then clears her throat, after the fact.

  I shake my head at her curiosity. What’s she doing asking that the first thing in the morning for?

  “Let’s go out today,” I say, buttoning the shirt that I forgot to change before sleeping. “I can tell you all about it over a good brunch. What do you think?”

  We end up going to the same place that we went to over the weekend. This time, a young waitress takes our order and stays at our table just a little too long to irk Jessica. I find it amusing. Jessica’s reaction is the same as the last time we were here. A delicate mix of utter distrust and frustration. It feels good to know someone has your back. Mia was quite different in this regard, I think to myself.

  “Mia was too oblivious to notice any of this,” I remark which shifts Jessica’s attention from the waitress to me. I like that.

  Jessica doesn’t understand what I mean, so I explain it to her as best as I can. There is no way to sugar-coat it.

  “Mia was my wife,” I say without a hint of guilt in my admission. I have realized that when it comes to things concerning Mia, I am always sincere. She was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

  Jessica doesn’t hide her surprise. She doesn’t say anything either, so I continue.

  “We were married for seven years.” I pause and sigh. “Before she died in a car accident.”

  The surprise on Jessica’s face turns to horror, and I can tell she feels sorry for me. That is usually how it goes. When people find out about my dead wife, they pity me. And if they know me well enough, something seems to add up in their heads right when I break the news to them. Like, ‘yeah, this explains so much.’ That never really made sense to me.

  Jessica’s response is not much different. I don’t tell her anything further voluntarily. Mostly because I’ve had this conversation too many times to keep count or to find it interesting. I let it rest, willing to answer her questions if she has any.

  “Do you miss her?” Jessica enquires.

  I look up to meet her prodding eyes, they are full of curiosity. Just like in the morning. It makes me laugh which she finds confusing.

  “Yes,” I answer her question, “I miss her. So much it hurts right here,” I say poking my chest above my heart. I pass a broken smile in her direction, but of course, there’s no fooling her. She sees right through the ruse.

  “Thanks for telling me,” Jessica says. “Whenever I tell people about my mom, they go silent. They would be talking just fine all the while up to that point when I tell them and then nothing.” Jessica pauses and meets my gaze. “I used to find it annoying until I started ignoring it. Only now do I realize what the problem is. There are no words that can fix this.”

  I nod at her.

  “But you and I both know, fixing it is not the point. For better or for worse, right?”

  I grin in response. We finish the meal and have a good discussion about Jessica’s latest non-fiction read. A book about self-deception. I find it interesting enough to agree to borrow the copy from her.

  We go back home. As I pull into the village parking lot, I can hear the bustle in the rotunda. The din of celebration reminds me of what the occasion is. I forgot all about it. Tonight is Montaur’s eve. A celebration of Montaur’s victory over the evil spirits in the woods. Montaur was a mighty bear shifter who freed his clan from a century-long curse.

  I don’t believe in the legends any more than I believe in the rituals I’m supposed to take part in as the alpha of the clan, but for the sake of the people who wish to keep the tradition alive, I respect it wholeheartedly. Besides, I don’t think to forget all of our traditions. The stories of where we came from are the way to progress, to a better future. There is value in our stories.

  I scan the premises to see if there’s anything too peculiar that Jessica would be surprised to see. I’ll have to attend the rituals later on; they require the alpha of the clan to be present. I reckon that if I’d take Jessica straight up to the house, I can do a casual round of greetings afterward. It will make the seniors happy. All they really ask of me is to show my face on the days it counts. The seniors are much less demanding than the youth of the clan, in my experience. Rigsby and the other bears constantly chastise me to wear traditional bear shifter clothing on festivals. But I’m quite stubborn myself. I never let them dress me in anything I don’t approve of. In return, I pay heed to most of their silly requests. Some not so silly, I think looking at Jessica. The dating app idea wasn’t the worst they ever came up with.

  I see Rose walking in our direction. She is clad in a bulky, woolen dress. She looks like a flower bud amidst all the fabric. She click-clacks her way towards us in her six-inch heels hidden underneath her gown. I know because she reaches above my shoulders whenever she does that.

  She is smiling ear to ear as she engulfs Jessica in a hug. I still don’t understand how these two have hit it off so well. Rose has almost forgotten that I exist ever since she met Jessica.

  Rose is too energetic for my liking at the moment. Jessica, on the other hand, is just as delighted to see her new best friend. The glint in her eyes says it all. She wants to know what the celebration is all about. I don’t think that’s a good idea. And any doubts that I may have had vanish when my eyes pick out Raymond from the crowd.

  “Jessica, I think we should let the people celebrate,” I say even before Rose has asked Jessica to join her. I see Jessica pout from the corner of my eye, but I really can’t spend another evening worrying about Jessica finding out about the bears.

  “I think it would be fine if Jessica spends some time outside the house, Josh,” Rose says, slipping her hand into Jessica’s.

  From the corner of my eye, I can see Raymond walking up to where Jessica, Rose, and I are standing.

  “Rose, I really don’t think it’s the time,” I say. She tilts her head towards Raymond. She knows about Raymond’s incessant attempts to try to overthrow me as the alpha and become the alpha himself.

  I take Jessica’s hand in mine and clutch it tightly. I don’t want it to show. That I’m bracing for impact. But I really am.

  “Why don’t you join us with your girlfriend over there,” Raymond says strolling past the rotunda, leaving a displeased Julia behind him. His arms are spread wide. His wobbly steps make me think he is drunk, a thought that is confirmed when he reaches close enough for us to smell the booze on him.

  Rose stops Raymond from drawing any closer to Jessica. I pull Jessica close, I don’t want to have to murder Raymond if he lays a finger on her. Better safe than sorry. My thoughts are suddenly crystal clear.

  “How about you stay away from her?” I step in front of Jessica, putting a barrier between her and Raymond.

  Raymond throws his hands up in the air and takes a step back. There is a notorious grin on his face that I know only too well. He wears it every time he thinks he’s got me cornered.

  “Why would I hurt her, Joshua?” Raymond says widening his eyes. But the stupid grin on his face says it all.

  I grit my teeth. It’s taking all of my efforts not to bash his head in and wipe that smirk off his sorry face.

  “It’s not good to keep secrets, Josh,” Raymond says as if we’re friends. His eyes dart from me to Jessica.

  I freeze. I wonder if Jessica notices. I’m ice cold now. This can’t be happening, is all I can think. What can I do to stop this?

  “Don’t make me do something we’ll both regret,” I say devoid of all emotion, looking Raymond square in the eyes. I mean every word of the threat. Raymond shrinks a little at first. Then his smirk reappears. There is a snap of something under his foot and the next moment he lets out a growl in his bear form
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  Chapter 15 – Jessica

  It’s like I’ve been struck by lightning. My entire body is tingling with sensation, with fear. I try to hold my ground, but my knees give way. I scrape my leg as I fall, my hands still tucked in Joshua’s. I look at him to find the surprise that’s on my face, but it’s not there. Joshua is not shocked to see Raymond turn into a bear at all. Why not? I look at Rose next. She doesn't look afraid either. I feel like a part of some twisted prank. I don’t find it funny in the slightest.

  “Raymond,” Julia says from behind, hurtling towards us. It doesn’t come as a surprise to her that her husband is now standing on all fours. That he’s a mass of fur and claws. That there’s a predatory growl under his breath. No, everyone gathered here has known about Raymond. Everyone, except me.

  Nothing makes sense. Joshua pulls me up from my feet and puts an arm around my waist, but I recoil involuntarily. His embrace no longer feels like a safe haven. I want to run away. I yank my hand free from Joshua’s grip and run to his car without thinking. I know the keys are still in there, he always leaves them in the car.

  I get in the driver’s seat and start the car. Raymond’s bear form is still standing at the rotunda. Rose and Julia are trying to keep him from springing at Joshua. Then I find myself staring at Joshua. Transfixed by some imaginary force. I look up at the man who managed to make me feel safe and secure for the first time in years. Then my eyes follow the giant blanket of fur behind him, and all sense of sanity drains from me. This can’t be happening.

  Joshua limps toward the car. After reaching it, he lays both of his hands on the bonnet and looks at me with pleading eyes. My own cheeks are tear-stained, and I don’t understand what I am supposed to do. I can see the pain and hurt on Joshua’s face. There is a single tear precariously dangling at the edge of his eye. A part of me wants to reach out for him. What am I doing running away from him? Where will I go? He’s all I’ve got.

  A visceral shockwave of pain jolts me out of the reverie. A part of me feels like it’s being ripped to shreds. I think of the betrayal, of the lies. Joshua’s innocent face appears twisted in the low lights of the rotunda decorations. He's nothing but a beautiful monster. And I was stupid enough to fall for it.

  I rev up the engine and press the accelerator to ward Joshua off, but he doesn’t move. He doesn’t move an inch when I jerk the car a little. At this rate, I’m afraid he’ll let me run him over.

  I meet Joshua’s gaze. I dig deep into his kind, brown eyes that make me melt in an instant. I dare to look him in the eye, and then I do what I have to. I mouth the word “monster” and make sure that Joshua understands it. The immediate shift in his expression tells me he does. He looks paralyzed. His hands drop to his sides, and I take this opportunity to reverse the car and drive away. A stream of tears distorts the image of Joshua in the rearview mirror.

  I drive as fast as I possibly can in the dark. There’s a single highway out of the village. The one Joshua always takes to go to the restaurant. I drive down the same road for as long as I can, but I realize pretty soon that I have nowhere to go. I could drive back to Kristen’s place, I reason with myself in the moment of desperation. I eye the fuel marker sideways keeping my focus on the road ahead. It’s nearly empty. I know I wouldn’t have enough gas to make it to Kristen’s place. I don’t have my wallet with me, either. How stupid of me.

  I pull over when I see some sign of civilization. There’s a couple of motels, and a restaurant, a garage, and a few other buildings in the vicinity. It seems like a safe place to stop by. I don’t have money to go anywhere, so I stay in the car after coming to a halt.

  My first instinct is fear. The entire drive, I kept looking over my shoulder to check if a bear was after me. A stupid voice in my head reassures me that Joshua wouldn’t let Raymond hurt me. Bear or not. My second thought is the pulsing ache in my chest. I let my head fall on the steering wheel, and my hands go limp. There’s a hollow in my chest. How is it possible to feel so empty and still ache like your heart has been ripped from its place? It reminds me of the day of my mother’s death. When I’d found out that she’d died. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t believe it for days or perhaps for months to come. But the thing about tragedy is that you can keep denying it for as long as you want, it patiently awaits your attention. Until you’re ready to accept it. Because your denial doesn’t make a difference when the world has already been altered irrevocably.

  My phone buzzes in my pockets, and the panic nearly gives me a heart attack. I retrieve it to check who it is, but I already know the answer, of course. The screen says Joshua, and I immediately disconnect the call. Not wanting to hear his voice. I know what it will make me feel. Some bizarre combination of disgust and love. I am not thinking straight. He will only cloud my judgment more.

  Even now, I long to curl up in his arms and fall asleep until all of this ends. Like somehow, wrapping around him can make this nightmare blow away like tufts of smoke.

  Clearly, my emotions can’t be trusted. Kristen was right after all. I was stupid to move all the way out here without knowing Joshua, without knowing the truth.

  My phone buzzes again. It’s a text this time. From Joshua.

  “Jessica, don’t be stupid. You don’t have any money, and it’s late. Tell me where you are. I’ll come to pick you up. We don’t have to stay in the village.”

  How can he act as if nothing has happened? Like nothing is wrong? Like I’m the one being unreasonable? I put my phone away, and it buzzes incessantly. After the umpteenth phone call, I finally pick it up in frustration.

  “What do you want?” I spit the words out in anger.

  “Jessica,” Joshua says in a wounded tone. I instantly know I shouldn’t have picked up because I want to make him feel better. I want to do whatever he asks me to so I can make that suffering in his voice go away. Loving is hard, I admit to myself for the first time. I didn’t feel a thing when Derek and I broke up. Perhaps, it is the fear of being lonely now. But I don’t understand this emotion. This feeling of your insides being ripped apart. Like when mom passed away. It feels like a crucial part of you being torn away.

  I sob on the phone letting my defenses collapse. I can’t stop it anymore. Lies or not, I need him.

  “It hurts,” I say through a burst of whimpering.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” Joshua replies. He sounds pained. “Where are you?” His words are soft. Gentle like flower petals on my skin.

  I only cry more in response. I want to give him an answer. But I don’t have any. I don’t know where I am. So I tell him that.

  “I don’t know my location. Somewhere on the highway out the village,” I say after I have calmed down a little. “I’m not going back,” I tell Joshua. He reassures me that we won’t. He says “we,” and it soothes me.

  “Stay with me,” he says. “I’m coming.” I hear honking and the screech of tires on the line.

  “Don’t drive too fast,” I order Joshua, “I’m waiting here. So take your time.”

  “Are you in any condition to worry about me right now?” he teases.

  “You’ll find out if you don’t come here in one piece,” I reply, and I mean it.

  Joshua laughs. The tension in his voice ebbing. I still feel hurt. A part of me is afraid we’ll never be able to go back to being the way we were. Like something is about to change forever.

  Something inside me has become numb. I snivel on the phone, and Joshua hears it.

  “Jess,” he says then goes silent. I let him come, but it doesn't mean things are okay. I knew this was too good to be true. I should’ve wagered on it.

  A while later, a car pulls over behind mine. I see Joshua in the rearview mirror, and involuntary tears pour down my face before he has even reached my car. He stands outside the driver side window. I look up at him feeling fear, and trust, and betrayal all at the same time. He sees me unlock the car and opens the door. He leans down and presents his hand to me, asking me to stand up. I take it in an
instant, and he pulls me to himself. So close there is no space left between us. He pins me to the side of the car and gently places my head on his shoulder. I let myself cry in his arms. My hands are around his neck. For a moment, we are as close as we can be. I cling to him feeling afraid for what’s about to come.

  After I’ve cried enough, I lift my head up to face him. He leans in just a little bit, and I kiss him on the mouth. Suddenly all the pain and hurt dissolve into raw energy. I can feel Joshua pressing his body against mine as his tongue invades my mouth. I forget everything in the heat of our bodies interlocked. The hunger and the thirst have put me under a spell. All I can think of is the softness of Joshua’s lips.

  When I come to my senses, I pull away. Joshua’s teeth tug at my lower lip not wanting to let go. He is panting, and I can feel the bulge in his pants pressing into me. It’s distracting, but we are in no position to have sex.

  Joshua nips at my neck as I try to force my knees to hold their own weight. I push at Joshua’s chest. He growls in the crook of my neck in disapproval then backs up a little. We both catch our breath and collect our thoughts.

  “Tell me you didn’t lie to me,” I dare Joshua. I know my lips are trembling as I say the words. I look him in the eye. He is still towering over me, his hand is still pinning me to the car. We are far too close for this conversation. I can’t bring myself to be cold to him when I can feel his body so close. I try to forget about our proximity as I wait for him to speak.

  “Will you believe me if I tell you the truth?” he asks leaning into my hair and breathing in deeply. My own breath hitches at his move. I want to push him away, but there is no strength left in me. He is still holding me upright.

  “Do I have a choice?” I say with a bit of venom in my tone. I have nowhere to go. It’s a cruel thing to take advantage of. Hear him out, I tell myself. Hear how exactly he forgot to mention bears in all of our conversations? I argue with my own logic. Then again, would I have believed him if he had told me?