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  He is still looking out the window. At the woods in the back, bathed in the pale winter sunlight. It’s warm inside Joshua’s house, but outside it’s freezing.

  I wouldn’t call Joshua’s house an apartment like he does. It’s more of a cottage with its own fireplace. All of its furniture is made out of wood varnished to a shimmer. It looks European. The ceiling, on the other hand, is a jagged piece of rock since the house sits right under a cave.

  “Yeah, there’s no work today. We’re actually mostly done with the annual reports,” Joshua says. His eyes are fixated on something far away in the distance. He looks sad.

  “Joshua,” I say. My voice is accidentally throaty. It does the job. Joshua looks at me. “Are you okay?”

  Something troubling, something I don’t understand rests on his face. I can’t quite put my finger on it. His eyes become hooded for a moment. Almost as if he is about to reveal some deep, dark secret he’s been keeping. Some admission of truth that would relieve him from his misery. Then he blinks once, twice, and it’s gone.

  “What do you want to do today? We could go out for breakfast. Are you hungry?” he asks. I don’t want to pry. Not this early in the morning. So I pretend like I didn’t notice that look just now.

  “I could eat,” I answer.

  We leave the house, and I immediately feel the cold, unforgiving winter in my bones. My eyes survey the neighborhood as we make our way to Joshua’s car. It’s an odd locality. Houses neatly built into caves. They look like a spectacle now more than when I had first laid my eyes on them. Granted, I wasn’t in the best state of mind when I arrived here. Looking at them now, they seem cozy and snug. Smoke is rising from many of the houses, but no one is out on the winding path. It’s the cold perhaps.

  All of the houses have some form of decoration. It’s nothing like the Christmas decoration I have seen in my life. But then again I have never spent a Christmas out of my birth city. Some might call it a limited experience. I have seen movies, though. The giant Chinatown-like lamps, tall lanterns, fairy lights. The view must be gorgeous at night, I think to myself and make a mental note to perhaps take a walk around the neighborhood with Joshua some time in the evening. When we walk past the rotunda, I find more decorations around.

  “Is this a Christian neighborhood or something? What’s up with all the decorations?” I ask.

  “No not Christian,” Joshua says and doesn’t add anything else. I want to ask, but he doesn’t seem to be in a talkative mood. I let my curiosity die and wrap my arms around myself, the cold seeping into my skin.

  We drive a few miles before anything, let alone a restaurant, comes into view. Joshua lives in a remote area, I gather. I’m glad the wifi is good. Joshua doesn’t speak the entire drive. I’m starting to miss him now, and I don’t know how to tell him that. I find it surprising that I miss him more than I miss being back home.

  “Joshua.” I can’t help it any longer. “If something’s the matter, you should tell me. You’re so quiet. We can talk,” I insist. “What’s on your mind?”

  My first guess is he might be having second thoughts about having me around. If so, I want to hear him say it.

  “There’s nothing, Jessica. I’m just tired, I guess. Sorry about that.” He pulls over in front of a breakfast place.

  We order our food and eat it in silence like we seem to be doing every meal we have together. I thought having someone to share a meal with would be a welcome change. I don’t want to bring it up now. Joshua doesn’t seem to be doing too good.

  I’ve been spending days searching online for a job, but nothing has turned up yet. Though, I did find a couple of clients who need a remote assistant. I can work from home and get some extra cash. We’re still in the final stage of negotiations.

  I tell Joshua about the work, and he seems pleased. He asks me a few questions about it which I try to answer to the best of my capacity since all of it is still new for me, too. But talking to these clients made me think that I could be a remote assistance for Karen as well. I had made a note of it in my diary to give her a call. If anyone would be willing to give it a try, it’s Karen.

  “What’s that scar?” I ask Joshua. I had noticed it in the morning while he was sleeping. It’s so fine that it’s almost unrecognizable, but once I saw it, it was impossible not to look at it every time I look at him.

  Joshua brushes a careless hand over it as if trying to erase it.

  “It’s a bad memory.” He pauses. “I don’t like to talk about it.” I can see the pain written all over his otherwise perfect face. How many more of my questions will I need to bury, I wonder. I don’t really care about the answers, I just want to get closer to him. What’s the point of being together if he’s going to be so far away? I want to say that out loud, but I bite my tongue. Perhaps, he is dealing with something himself. He can share his worries in his own time.

  As I eat my breakfast of bacon and pancakes, I notice something. It isn’t just me who finds Joshua extremely attractive, apparently. We get glares from a group of three women sitting a few seats away from us. I know Joshua and I aren’t a thing, but these women have no way of knowing that. Perhaps, Joshua having a girlfriend wouldn’t stop anyone from ogling him. I feel weirdly protective of him all of a sudden and narrow my eyes at the three women who shamelessly continue to eye Joshua.

  Joshua looks at me then follows my gaze to the three women sitting behind us. He laughs.

  “Are you trying to ward them off?” he asks.

  I coo a “mhm” still shooting daggers at the women. It only makes Joshua laugh more.

  “Jessica,” he says. I listen with half a mind.

  “You know you snore.” He laughs again.

  “No, I don’t,” I retaliate, with an expression of total defiance, turning my gaze from the women to the man in front of me. What an absurd thing to say, I try to imply with the furrow of my brow, but it only makes him laugh even more.

  “Yes, you do. I heard it myself.”

  I cross my arms over my chest knowing full well that I do, in fact, sometimes snore. But it’s only when my breathing is impeded somehow. That doesn’t count.

  “For your information, it’s not snoring. And it’s a real health issue. You shouldn’t go around making fun of people’s problems.” I roll my eyes at him, feeling embarrassed and defensive at the same time.

  He raises his hands in defeat. “I wasn’t making fun of you,” he says, but he’s still getting a good kick out of teasing me. There is warmth in his words. For a second, I see the glimpse of the man whom I had trusted enough to leave everything I have ever known. It’s good to know he is still somewhere in there.

  We finish our breakfast and go home. After spending a few days living out of a suitcase, I finally decide to unpack my stuff.

  “I’ll make some room for your clothes in the cupboard,” Joshua says when he notices me dumping all of my belongings onto his bed. He glares at them for a second, and I realize it bothers him. I smirk at him, feeling vindictive for the snoring incident.

  His dwelling, I notice, is quite peculiar. There is no way to figure out what his financial situation is by looking at the things in his “apartment.” It’s a tiny place, especially considering the other houses in the neighborhood. But at the same time, he has a giant 52 inches LED screen right in front of the couch, his Xbox, and an impressive collection of video game titles. The cottage itself may be small, but it’s built with the quality of a tourist destination from the Victorian Era, London, or something. The view is to die for.

  “Joshua,” I say and place the last of my clothes in the space that he has created for me in his cupboard. It feels like we’re a married couple with our clothes hanging next to each other.

  When Joshua doesn’t reply, I turn around and find his eyes staring at what would have been my ass if I hadn’t moved. All of my nerve endings become acutely aware of his presence. He has that look in his eyes again. The one he had in the morning. I’m all wrapped up in its heat. I walk to
wards him unknowingly. He is sitting on the couch, and his eyes are running all over my body. He isn’t looking away this time. I’m all in knots at his pervasive glares.

  Not knowing what to do with myself but wanting to get closer to him, I walk up to where he is. He stares up at me resting in his seat. I want to touch him, so I do. My hand reaches for the scar on his face, and his eyes turn dark as if trying to warn me of something. I ignore the sternness on his face. He freezes at my touch and breathes in deeply. His skin is warm to the touch. So warm. I straddle him on the couch and sit in his lap, my hands now entangled in his soft, black hair. All of his body is inviting me in save for that lethal look on his face. He doesn’t stop me, and I can’t stop myself either. So I cozy myself into his lap.

  His eyes are still sending me warning signs that I continue to ignore. When I press my weight on him on purpose, his expression finally changes.

  The next moment I am under Joshua, and he is towering over me. He has both of my hands tucked above my head in an iron grip. He is straddling me now. I feel his weight on top of me, and my core tightens.

  His mouth is on mine in an instant. I don’t complain when his tongue forces its way inside. A moan is caught in my mouth as his tongue plays with mine. I can feel the bulge in his trousers press in between my legs. I am trapped under him. My hands, my face, my body. I wriggle, but Joshua doesn’t ease his grip. I’m kissing him back because I don’t want him to stop. I nibble at his lower lip as he hungers for my mouth. The taste is so absolutely divine that my back arches upwards. Joshua pushes his own body on top of me until we’re flushed against each other.

  When our mouths part, Joshua buries his face in the crook of my neck and breathes in deeply.

  “Please,” I say, and a moan escapes my mouth. The sweet torture is too much to take. “Please,” I say again, but he doesn’t listen.

  I feel my breasts crushing into Joshua’s hard muscular chest, and the graze of his teeth too close to my boobs causes me to release a breathy whimper. I fist my hands and internally beg for Joshua to give me what I want. The hunger rises in my core, but Joshua stalls to progress further, making me go crazy with the anticipation alone.

  He reaches for my mouth again. He is teasing me too much. Not getting my way, I do the only thing I can think of to make him listen. I bite his lower lip when we are engaged in a heated kiss. I feel vindictive as his eyes snap open from the move. Finally, I have his attention. He pulls away and looks at my face with his jaw dropped open. I smirk up at him. You asked for it, I seem to imply. He sticks his hand underneath me and pulls me to himself while grabbing my ass and giving it a squeeze.

  The next moment, he yanks my pajama and my underwear off in one go, and I am suddenly naked underneath him. The cool air and the excitement for what’s to come make me realize how wet I already am. How ready, how prepared I am. I lick my lips because Joshua has stopped kissing as he is busy with removing his shirt. After he is done, I reach for his mouth again. I suck where I had bitten him, feeling a bit sorry already. I’m enjoying the way Joshua’s tongue battles mine when I feel his hand travel down my stomach and between my thighs. His careless fingers touch and caress and prod every part of my sex. He continues to rub, and I am knotting and unknotting with every single move. The feeling is so good, I don’t want him to stop. I find my hips pushing into his hand. Joshua picks up the pace with his finger. He finds my clit and gives a light brush, my eyes roll in my head. I’m all tingling sensation and endless hunger. Joshua’s finger finds my entrance next, and he rubs it from the outside for a while first before prying it open with his thumb. His finger barely enters me, and I moan into his mouth while he is still kissing me.

  Joshua quickly undoes his own trousers next. His penis springs free, and I notice how huge it is. Massive, rock hard, and ready to go. I bite my lip at the sight of it. That makes Joshua smirk. The wet tip of Joshua’s dick brushes my inner thigh, and it sends signals straight to my core. I don’t understand the wait, I want Joshua inside of me. I look up at him with pleading eyes while his are staring down at my naked body. I blush, feeling embarrassed.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” I manage to speak, but it comes out as a sensuous whisper. I hadn’t intended it, but I notice Joshua harden in response.

  I wrap my legs around Joshua when I am ready and suck his lip again where I bit it. I can taste the faintest hint of blood still lingering. He didn’t need to tease me, I try to make myself feel better. But he is still teasing, even though I have him right where I want him. I push into Joshua’s dick to tell him to hurry. I do that a couple of times before Joshua pays my attempts any heed. Then without a single warning or any delay, Joshua plunges straight into me in one fell swoop. All of my thoughts go silent. He lets go of my hands which he still had pinned above my head, and I wrap them around his neck.

  He is holding me to him with his one hand on my back. My body convulses with pleasure and pain alike as Joshua thrusts deeper. He begins slowly but finds his way deeper in with every move. He gives me enough time to adjust to his size. The feeling of his hard dick stuck inside of me makes me shudder with pleasure. We both feel satisfied for a moment then Joshua increases his pace, going in and out of me. Faster and harder. Our bodies move with the rhythm of Joshua’s thrusts, and I’m pushed a little closer to the edge. I know I’m about to orgasm and something tells me so is Joshua because I can feel his hardness build inside. He plunges into me hard one last time, and we both find our release. Him first, me following soon after.

  His heavy body collapses a little to my side, and a shudder runs through me. I’m panting, and so is Joshua.

  Where did that come from? is the first sensible thought in my head.

  Chapter 12 – Joshua

  This net just keeps tightening, I think to myself. I’m losing all control. My mind, body, soul. All of it. I’m so volatile, I’m scaring myself. But God, did that feel good. Given a hundred chances, I would still choose to do the same. All I can remember is the taste of Jessica’s skin, the fragrance of her hair, her delicate body underneath me. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel the guilt. Nothing that feels that good could be wrong.

  Ever since Mia passed away, so much as a glance in a woman’s direction sent me spiraling into guilt for days. I didn’t think it was wrong, I knew it was wrong. Just because she is not around anymore doesn’t mean I can cheat on her. That’s what I told myself. No one ever came so close, closer than that gnawing in the pit of my stomach that I could lose myself and let go. Until Jessica…

  I swear the woman barreled into my life like a speeding truck and now I’m crashing and crumbling in all the different ways possible. Just the thought of her scent pushes me over the edge. It’s like I’ve imprinted on her.

  To my surprise, our little moment of intimacy hasn’t changed things between us. Not for the worse anyway. If anything, I feel like she trusts me more.

  We have a lazy Sunday morning. We both get out of bed pretty late, and I fix us some lunch. We decided I would cook us dinner on weekdays and lunch on weekends while Jessica could cook dinner on weekends and makes us breakfast through the week since she’s at home and I often have to go out to take care of my alpha duties.

  I hate diverting the topic every time she asks me what my work is all about. I have to come up with some lie or an elaborate explanation about why I can’t tell her. “My boss doesn’t want me to share any details” or something stupid like that. I can see on her face that she doesn’t believe me at all. Besides, I want to tell her how my work is going. Especially lately.

  Ever since I’ve seen her sit at her computer and just get lost in her work while she’s at it, I’ve discovered a newfound respect for my own work. It doesn’t have to be the best thing in the world for me to take it seriously.

  “I work the way I work because of the way I am. It has nothing to do with the task at hand,” she told me when I asked her how she made herself feel motivated to sit at her desk and labor away for hours.

/>   Suddenly, Jessica screams my name, and I rush to the hall to see what’s going on, a spatula still in my hand. “What’s wrong?” I ask Jessica who is hunched in front of her computer.

  “I got both of the remote assistance positions!” She screams again then rushes over to me and tackles me into a hug.

  I pull her closer. It’s the first time I’ve seen her this happy since we started talking.

  “That’s amazing news,” I say. “We should celebrate.”

  “I’ll go tell Rose.” She lets go and grabs her overcoat slung on the back of her chair.

  I want to stop her, but I don’t. I’m glad she’s already made a friend.

  She won’t find out, I tell myself. A tiny part of me wants her to find out. So my misery can end. What’s the worst that can happen? Well, she can up and leave. She wouldn’t do that, I console myself.

  The doorbell rings before Jessica manages to step out. She looks at me, and I shrug.

  “Could be Rose, actually,” I say. I gesture for her to open the door and go back into the kitchen.

  “Well hello,” I hear a man’s voice say, and I immediately know who it is.

  “Joshua?” comes Jessica’s surprised call.

  I turn the stove off and go back to the living room. This will not be good.

  “Raymond,” I say. It is evident from my terse greeting how unwelcome he is in my house. It’s been a while since he has stepped into it at all. Of course, he decides to show up now. He continues to be up to no good pretty consistently. It must be about Jessica. I turn my gaze to her. She looks like a surprised, shrinking house cat.

  “Jessica, this is Raymond.” I pause. “He’s a family friend.” I say the word ‘friend’ with a bit of venom in my tone. Jessica comes and stands next to me.

  Raymond has been wanting to become the alpha for as long as I can remember being the alpha. I’m not interested in being the alpha myself, but entrusting the clan to him would only happen over my dead body. He is too menacing for his own good. There is no way that he is fit to lead a clan. It’s part of the reason why Rigsby and the others wanted me to find a mate so badly. Raymond is hellbent on snatching the clan away from me. If it were up to me, I would gladly give away the leadership. Not to Raymond, but to someone more suitable. More trustworthy and up to the task. But I can’t. It’s a responsibility handed to me by my father and my grandfather. Now that they’re gone, this is all that I have left of them. Their trust, their faith. I hate it about as much as I value it. It’s a burden I never really enjoyed after Mia left my side.