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  Joshua decides to hold both of my wrists in his single hand and takes my pink shirt off with the other. I’m still in my underwear, and I free myself from his kisses to instruct him to take his pants off, too. He does.

  Stupid of me to think that Joshua would be unable to tease me while my underwear is still on. He slides his hand into my panties and touches me everywhere until he finds what he’s looking for. His thumb rests on my clit. I wriggle under him the moment he finds the nub. He starts with slow caresses, but each motion pushes me closer to the edge. I try to moan, but the sound dies in our heated kiss. The gentle caresses become faster and faster until I’m panting and screaming with pleasure. I am so wet, and I can’t wait for the sweet agony to come to a conclusion. But Joshua doesn’t relent. When he realizes I’m about to orgasm, his fingers travel down my sex, and he slides one of them into me. It goes in smoothly because I’m soaking wet. Joshua massages the walls on the inside. I feel like I’m hanging over an edge, dangling down something dangerous yet beautiful. Joshua pulls his finger out of me and slides my panties down my legs. He also takes his underwear off which pleases me. I get a good look at his rock hard erection which he places right between my thighs.

  Joshua is on top of me. I wriggle my wrists so much that Joshua lets them free. His member is hard against my core, and I want nothing more than to feel him inside me. In a sudden moment of boldness, my hand travels down, and I slide it between us. I take Joshua’s dick in my hands, and his eyes widen at the action. My turn to smirk. He kisses me, sucking my upper lip as I rub his massive dick in my hand. I nudge the tip with my thumb which makes Joshua growl. It leaks a little which encourages me to rub faster. Joshua stops kissing me and pulls my hand away. He touches both my thighs, instructing me to spread them. I do as he positions himself between my legs. The tip of his penis enters me, and I melt from that alone. When Joshua holds it right there for longer than I can bear, I let out a throaty cry in protest. Then before I can prepare myself for it, Joshua plunges into me. He doesn’t move to allow me to get used to his huge, hard erection. Then when I am a little comfortable, Joshua slides it out ever so slightly and delicately. My hands tighten around his shoulders. I need something, anything to cling to while Joshua moves in and out super slowly. It’s agonizing, yet the pleasure is unmatched.

  I whisper the word “harder” in Joshua’s ears, and he obeys. He thrusts into me and then pulls out. He picks up the pace, and his thick dick makes my walls expand with every move. Joshua continues the rhythmic motion until it crescendos. I can tell we’re both close to climax. I convulse under Joshua when it hits. Moments later, Joshua finds his own release. We’re heaving, sweating, trying to catch our breaths as he pulls out of me. We lie dazed in our post-coital bliss, still intertwined with each other. The only thought in my head is how did I get so lucky to have Joshua in my life.

  Chapter 20 – Joshua

  We’re preparing Sunday brunch in the lazy afternoon when the doorbell rings. My guess is Rose. Perhaps, she forgot something at our place when she ate dinner with us the other night. I laugh at the thought. It’s “our” place now. I wonder if Jessica feels the same way. I know we never really officially talked about it, but she’s going to stay here. So this is her home now.

  Before I reach the door, the doorbell rings again. Whoever it is seems to be a bit impatient. I open the door not expecting who I see standing at my porch.

  “Eli,” I greet the old man. “What brings you here?”

  I feel like I got caught red-handed stealing candy. Jessica is in the kitchen, cooking as if she belongs here in this house. Which she does, but how am I supposed to explain this to Eli? He already has a suspicious look on his face. That looks means that he came here with intent.

  “Can I come in?” Eli’s crouched figure is already prodding the insides of my apartment.

  It is quite unlike him. He is usually not this nosy. He’s actually the very opposite of nosy. He just showed up at my wedding as if he were cordially invited which of course he would have been. He was the chief guest. Except everyone, including my father, had completely forgotten to actually invite him because he was so involved with all the ceremonies and the preparation. He was there the whole time that it slipped our mind. He did not complain about it or make a fuss. He just showed up. Eli has always been like that. Silently by my side, always.

  I take a while to let Eli in, assessing my options, wondering if there is a way to avoid this situation.

  “Come in,” I say begrudgingly when I don’t find a way out.

  “Who is it?” Jessica’s voice comes from the kitchen.

  Eli stops in his tracks and tilts his head towards me, staring at me buck-eyed. I avert my eyes pretending like I hadn’t heard the voice. Jessica comes out of the kitchen with some batter on her cheeks and some flour on her nose. Crap. Now, how do I hide that?

  Eli looks from me to Jessica. Jessica too waits for me to explain who we have in our apartment.

  “Jessica, this is Eli,” I say politely. “Eli, Jessica.” I don’t meet his gaze.

  Eli has the traditional bear shifter Shoma wrapped around him. It’s probably the first time Jessica has seen anyone wearing it.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you,” Eli says to Jessica extending his arm. They shake hands. My nervousness is through the roof during the whole exchange.

  “I wish I could say the same,” Jessica replied, pressing her lip while she glances at me. “But I’m afraid Joshua hasn’t mentioned you yet. I’m new here so I suppose he would’ve brought it up soon.” Jessica tries to cover up for me.

  “Oh no, I haven’t heard about you from Joshua, either,” Eli says and narrows his eyes at me. “He likes to keep his people in the dark, eh?” Eli nudges Jessica and chuckles.

  “I was going to tell you both,” I mumble, but they don’t hear me.

  “Come on in,” Jessica says pointing to the chair near the counter. “We were just about to have pancakes. Would you like some?”

  I don’t like the sound of that. I don’t like the sound of extending this nightmare. I try my best to not let it show that I’m screaming on the inside.

  “How very nice of you to offer. I don’t think Joshua has ever invited me over for a meal. Not willingly, anyway.” Eli wheezes. He is making me turn all shades of pink like a baby’s bottom. I want to curse at Eli, but I show restraint. Why is he here? The instructions for not showing up at my apartment are valid for him, too. Though, I can’t bring myself to hold that against him. I should’ve known, anyway that it wouldn't stop Eli from doing what he damn well pleases.

  I’m quite unaware of the nature of Eli’s visit. I don’t doubt he must have heard rumors about Jessica from the village people. Unlike the other seniors, he actually cares about what goes on in my life. He might have wanted to see for himself.

  I feel a slight pang of guilt for keeping him in the dark, but the circumstances are quite peculiar. If there’s anyone who would understand that, it’s Eli. I don’t want Jessica to feel burdensome while she’s here. If I share any official news of living with another woman, the rumors of the clan alpha finding a mate will soon start circulating, and I don’t want it to ward Jessica off. The whole bear shifter situation is probably already too much to take in for her. I want to make things as easy for her as possible. She needs that space right now. Once she gets a little more comfortable, I will bring it up in conversation sometime. But, that time is far into the future.

  I like my mental plan, and I decide to stick to it. Except, I don’t know what to do with Eli being in my living room right now.

  “What brings you here, Eli?” I ask, not hiding the annoyance in my tone.

  “For the woods! This boy,” Eli curses. “You don’t seem to be too happy that I am here.”

  “You don’t really visit me when I’m alone, so,” I extend the “so” for a long moment.

  “Right. I was curious about something.” Eli smirks at me as if he has won this round. He has. “She is a human, I’v
e heard,” Eli whispers so as not to let Jessica hear.

  I nod. Eli nods his head understandingly like he often does while adding two and two together.

  “Is everything okay?” I ask Eli. The thing about Eli is that he doesn’t do anything in vain. There is often a damn good purpose behind his actions.

  “Everything is fine, son. I just needed to see for myself what has finally got your head in the right direction.”

  Eli leaves it at that. I don’t fully understand what he means by “head in the right direction.” I have never once let myself fall behind on my alpha duties. Though, admittedly I have been paying more attention to pressing matters and taking things more seriously now. He couldn’t be talking about something insignificant like that, I assume.

  “I’ll help Jessica with the food. We were cooking together, actually,” I say.

  “So you were, eh?” Eli raises an eyebrow and wheezes a chuckle. That old man is too playful for his own good.

  I ignore his teasing and join Jessica in the kitchen.

  “I can help,” I say trying to take the spatula from her hand, but she doesn’t let me take it.

  “It’s alright, I’ll handle this. You can set the table,” she says. I do as I’m told. This is what I mean by working well together. There are just no hiccups between us. We complement each other like good team partners. I wonder if I get too much delight from that fact.

  I grab plates and bowls and three wine glasses.

  “Are we drinking?” Jessica asks when she sees me pull out the wine bottle from the cabinet.

  “Well, I don’t mind,” I say. “Do you?”

  She shakes her head and passes me a smile. “I’m almost done here,” she says pointing to the plate stacked with pancakes. “Wine and pancakes. Who are we?” Jessica laughs.

  I take the leftover food from the fridge and heat it up, too. Might as well make a feast out of this.

  I set the table and Eli silently watches me move about. It seems like he wants to say something which is precisely why I don’t ask him what he’s thinking. I’d like to stay in the dark, thank you very much.

  When I’m leaving the living room to make another round of dishes and more food, Eli stops me.

  “You look happy,” he says. I don’t turn around. I don’t reply, either. Then when Jessica joins Eli with the plate of pancakes, I go back to the kitchen.

  You look happy. Am I happy? I lean over the counter, contemplating the truth of the matter. So I had been unhappy this whole time? That sounds about right. Does that mean that this distinctly fuzzy feeling in my stomach is happiness? Funny, how that’s a question I haven’t gotten around to ask myself. Also, my next thought is whether Jessica is happy. Should I ask her? Perhaps, I should. Mia taught me that showing love is as important as loving itself. Some relationships just have a way of making you feel proud of them and of yourself. The person you are in the relationship is a version of yourself you never would’ve hoped to become on your own.

  I open the bottle of wine when I’m in the living room and pour some into three glasses. Eli doesn’t protest.

  “This is nice,” Eli says as he takes the first sip.

  “I’m glad you like it,” Jessica and I say in unison.

  It makes Eli look up, and raise his eyebrows at us. I hate it when he gets like that. There is this point when Eli is judging a scheme, weighing the viability of an idea, measuring it for feasibility, that he puts his critical hat on. None of his responses give any idea about what’s really on his mind when that happens. It’s an extremely admirable quality when it comes to working, but why is critical Eli here in my living room, sipping wine?

  “I was telling Jessica about your father,” he says, savoring the wine.

  I don’t know if that’s something Jessica would be interested in, but I can’t make Eli stop either way. I let the two of them converse and listen quietly like a mute spectator.

  “He was all the rave about courage and bravery and whatnot,” Eli begins again. “He was truly one of the bravest people I knew in my life. I’ve met my fair share of foolhardy men. Most of them run towards danger foolishly without an aim. Not Sebastian. He had a way of bringing people together.” Eli pauses and looks at me for a moment. I gulp the wine down with nervousness. “Joshua has a lot of his father in him. But he also has a lot of his mother. He’s a lot more compassionate than Sebastian.”

  I feel awkward hearing Eli speak words of praise for me. Not that he doesn’t do it often, he does. Especially, recently he has been trying to put in a word for me any chance he gets. With the matter of the alpha not having a mate, I have lost count of how many times Eli has convinced the other members to reconsider their arguments. He insists that I am fit for leading the clan with or without a mate. Must be tough on him, I think, whenever he takes my side on the matter. It’s not a popular opinion, for one. Besides, he must have seen generation after generation follow through with the rituals and traditions. I know he cares about them deeply himself. I know they matter to him, but my happiness matters to him more. For that exact reason, I always felt guilty for not taking a mate anyway. For his sake. Nothing would make him happier if I did. Actually, that’s not entirely true. He would only tell me to do what makes me happy, and I feel lucky that I have someone looking out for me. Suddenly, the purpose of his visit becomes clear to me.

  As I eat, I’m constantly trying to read Eli. I hope he doesn’t bring the mate thing up in front of Jessica. That would be a whole another level of awkward.

  “So how come you’re around?” Eli asks Jessica. He doesn’t mean it in a mean way, but I wonder if Jessica understands that.

  “Well, I recently got fired from work, and I broke up with my boyfriend. It was that sort of thing where you hit rock bottom. So you can let life take you where it may,” Jessica says conversationally. She doesn’t meet Eli’s gaze, but the honesty in her voice is chilling. I don’t think even Eli is used to it. “Joshua offered to help me out, and I can’t thank him enough for it. I’m doing well now.” Jessica places a hand over mine, and I feel Eli’s eyes burning a hole in me. I’m sure he has already smelled Jessica on me. There is really no hiding from him, but I still feel embarrassed.

  “It’s good you’re doing better,” Eli responds. “You’ve certainly been a good influence on Joshua.”

  I can smell the curiosity in Jessica’s head.

  “How come?” she asks. I’m not even surprised when she does.

  I don’t know why I’m walking on eggshells with this conversation when I’m not even speaking.

  “Just this and that,” Eli says as he sips more wine. “He’s being a good boy,” Eli chuckles.

  It makes Jessica laugh.

  “He’s helped me a lot,” Jessica adds. “I am glad I can help him, too. In whatever small way possible.”

  “As they say, young lady. In life, the small things are the big things.” Eli gulps down the last of his wine. “Do you mind if I steal Joshua for ten minutes? He doesn’t seem to get time for the old man while he’s at work.”

  “By all means, we didn’t have any plans,” Jessica replies.

  Me, I’m satisfied with that conversation, as tense as it may have been for me. Nothing like a good meal with the people you love. It makes me think that I am happy.

  “Shall we?” Eli turns to me and asks.

  “I’ll be back,” I tell Jessica.

  Eli and I walk down the village. It’s cold outside. I figure he wants me to accompany him on the way back to his place which is on the other side of the rotunda.

  “It’ll snow soon,” Eli says, blankly staring ahead.

  “Yeah, it says it will snow on the night of the winter solstice,” I add.

  “Where does it say that?”

  “Google.”

  Eli nods in understanding. His silent rebellion against technology is hilarious, to say the least.

  We walk past Rigsby’s house and down the winding path. When we pass Raymond’s house, Eli glances at me from the c
orner of his eyes.

  “They really like fussing about the alpha of the clan not having a mate, eh?” There is bitterness in Eli’s voice. He has major issues with people’s lack of focus and sincerity regarding the issues that matter. He often used to get cross with my father on that. According to him, my father cared too much about trivial things. I would agree with him now that I am older.

  Eli’s more of a if you have time to worry about this you have time to worry about something better kind of a person.

  “It’s important to them. It’s okay,” I feign interest. Eli knows well enough that I couldn’t care less about what Raymond wants me to do.

  “I am not so sure,” Eli adds. “Benjamin has wanted that place for himself long enough. His son finally becoming the alpha will please him to no end. I wouldn’t bother with this nonsense if they were more civil about it. They surprise me with how low they can go quite frequently.”

  When someone crosses Eli, he turns savage. I feel grateful that I’m in his good-books about as often as I feel grateful that he is a part of my life. Though, I don’t understand what Eli means when he mentions Raymond’s father stooping low. I would ask, but I am really not interested. I hope he doesn’t get too bothered by it.

  “You know I don’t care about any of that, right? About whether you take a mate or not.” Eli waits for my affirmation. I nod imperceptibly. “What I care about is that you remember your values, son. You hold onto them. What your adversaries do or say should have no bearing on your actions or words.” He pauses to clear his throat. “With age, you will find, preserving your good parts becomes much harder. You want to turn all shades of gray in all the ways possible. You don’t want to work hard to keep anything alive. Don’t grow old like that. Don’t grow old like I have. You safeguard yourself from life and circumstances. Preserve the light,” Eli instructs.