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  For better or for worse, I have no thoughts of leaving. I want to hang around, willingly. Hence the confusion at the reflection of the strange girl in front of me. Who is she? Someone stupid, for sure. Fearless, a tiny voice says in my head, but I silence it. I have no good reason to stay other than the fact that I can’t leave Joshua’s side. I don’t want to. The comfort of being in his arms, now that I know what it feels like, I never want to live without. I love the fact that at the end of a good day at work, I get to eat dinner with him. We talk about everything. For the first time in an eternity, it seems, I feel at home. He’s the closest I’ve felt to home.

  I’ve been huddled up in Joshua’s apartment, ever since I came here. I’ve been trying to make myself go out and talk to more people of the clan, but I’m still afraid. Joshua has assured that no one will so much as touch a hair on my body. I assured him that I understand. I really do. I trust Joshua’s words. It’s just that I don’t know what I’d say, you know? I don’t know if bear shifters even live with humans. What if they don’t? If that were the case, I’m sure Joshua would’ve told me. But then again, what can he really say? “I called you out here to help you, but we can’t be together?” The thought actually stings and leaves a bitter, almost rotten, aftertaste. There is only one way to find out. I need to talk to more people from the clan and see how things are around here.

  So, I have decided to take baby steps. For my safety and peace of mind, Joshua has informed everyone from the clan not to visit him while I am at home. All of the clan-related queries are to be directed while he’s still at work. I appreciate it, but that means Rose has not been around in over a week, and I am starting to miss her. It won’t be too difficult to talk to her, I tell myself. Rose will be a good start. A safe start.

  I dress in checked shirt and jeans and throw a heavy overcoat on top that I “borrowed” from Joshua. Rose’s apartment is right next to Joshua’s, so I won’t run into anyone else. As I step outside in the biting cold, I wonder if Rose still likes me. What if she is disappointed in me? For not being more accepting?

  I knock on her plain door then notice the sophisticated intercom on the side and press the doorbell button. I hear the latch then the door opens. Rose’s gorgeous blue eyes stare at me. She is clad in a pooling light yellow gown, something I’d consider too dressy for even a party, but Rose is chique like that, rocking the attire on a weekday.

  “Want a drink?” I say lifting the bottle of wine I had ordered to thank Rose for being my first friend in the village. Well, the second friend, after Joshua. But Joshua doesn’t count.

  Rose sizes me up from top to bottom sticking her hip out like she isn’t sold on the idea. Then her pursed lips, colored with the finest shade of red lipstick, curl into a devilish grin. I breathe a sigh of relief. Rose’s disapproval would’ve stung much worse than I’d like to admit.

  “I thought you’d never ask,” she says enthusiastically, taking the bottle from my hands.

  “I love that shade of lipstick. Where on earth did you get it?” I say as we both make our way to the kitchen.

  Rose pops the bottle open and pours it in two glasses. I leave the overcoat on the counter, take my glass of wine, and we both slip onto the couch near the fireplace. I immediately ease into the warmth. Rose’s house is so welcoming and comfy. Quite like her. Unlike the European feel of Joshua’s apartment, Rose’s house is of a state-of-the-art, minimalistic type design. I notice an aromatherapy diffuser in a far away corner realizing it smells like lemon. It goes with Rose’s lemon yellow dress. We start chatting away, and I feel comfortable, completely at ease.

  “You know, I’ve had a crush on Joshua for as long as I can remember,” Rose reveals. “Even when he was married to Mia.”

  The information makes me a bit uncomfortable, and I press my wine-soaked lips, not knowing what to make of the confession.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize,” I say stupidly. The thought of the two of them together is disconcerting mostly because there is no way I can compete with Rose and win. It isn’t a competition, I want to tell myself, but is that true? Would Joshua sleep with me if he had feelings for Rose?

  “Of course you didn’t. Apparently, I do a good job of hiding it.” Rose smiles. “I’m just kidding. Plus, I’m sure he knows.” She speaks again when she notices that the answer has bothered me. “He’s not interested, Jessica. You don’t need to worry. I’ll just need to find a man that is interested and that I’m interested in, too.”

  I decide to share my thought on the matter. I want Rose to know what I think about her. “Can I say something? I don’t know how you’ll take it, but—” I cut the preface out. “You could have anyone.”

  To my surprise, Rose giggles.

  “That’s what everyone keeps telling me,” she replies.

  “But it’s true,” I chime in. “Have you looked at yourself? You look like a goddamn princess. Or a model for that matter. The first time I saw you, I was convinced that you were one.”

  Rose replies after letting me fangirl for a while. “Thanks.”

  We sip the wine in silence for some time. It burns as it makes its way down my throat. It’s a perfect winter evening to be drinking wine, I think to myself.

  “That’s the thing, Jess. Everyone seems to be intimidated by me, it seems,” Rose says with the wine glass touching her lips. She is staring idly at the fire crackling in the fireplace, the reflection of the flames dancing in her glass eyes. The way she had said my name sounded so intimate, so real.

  There is a faint sadness on Rose’s face. It’s the first time I’m looking at her like she’s someone like me. Not someone I’ve put on a pedestal. Not a fashion diva or a goddess, but someone just like me. That makes for a better friendship, anyway. Where both parties feel like they have something to offer and something to receive.

  “That must suck,” I respond after giving Rose’s comment a thought. Of course, the problem is beyond my comprehension, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important.

  “My friend runs a fashion brand and works with plenty of hot male models, you want me to hook you up with one?” I ask sincerely.

  Rose giggles again. “You know what, maybe I’ll take you up on that offer.”

  We discuss boys for a while and what’s our type and our past experience with the opposite sex. I haven’t had the girl-talk with anyone for so long. Skylar and I used to have those quite often until, and I can only guess this part, she started having feelings for Derek. She had become pretty distant even in the final months of my relationship. I tell Rose about the whole Derek thing, and not unlike Joshua, Rose responds with venomous hatred for Derek.

  “It’s alright. I forgot him within two days of breaking up with him. It was that bad. We were together only to avoid loneliness,” I say. “As pathetic as it sounds.”

  “It doesn’t sound pathetic at all,” Rose consoles me. “You know I wouldn’t have been so easy on you if you were a different person.”

  The sudden shift in Rose’s tone alerts me. My ears perk up, and a faint shudder runs down my spine. I haven’t heard Rose be so stern before.

  “But the moment I talked to you, I knew you’d be far better for that lost boy than I.” Rose says the words “lost boy” with certain motherly compassion. “Sometimes, I don’t understand if my feelings for him are that of an elder sister.” Rose sips more wine. She doesn’t seem to be joking in the slightest which is strangely satisfying.

  “You really care about him,” I say matter-of-factly, feeling quite inadequate myself in that department. I haven’t exactly had the opportunity to be of help to him. I’ve only been demanding ever since we met, but I hope that changes soon.

  After more banter, I finally summon the courage to address the bubbling curiosity in me. Even though I wouldn’t be able to find the right words, I still need to give it a try. I just don’t want to offend Rose in any way. Right now, I could really use a friend in the village and Rose is far better than anyone I could hope for.

&nbs
p; “Can you tell me about—” I begin. I fumble and hesitate, but I don’t stop. “I don’t know anything about bear shifters, and I don’t know who else to ask. Can you tell me more about them? About you? I want to know more.”

  Rose’s expression stays the same for a long time. She sighs then nods imperceptibly.

  “If it’s not too much to ask,” I add meekly, unsure whether Rose had even heard.

  Rose gets up and leaves the hall to go into the kitchen and returns with the bottle of wine.

  “I’ll need to be sufficiently inebriated for this,” she says as she fills up her glass to the brim then holds the bottle out to me. I refuse it.

  “I don’t know how much you know, but the village is all there really is. I’ve spent my entire life around here with the same house, the same people. It was that way for my mother and my grandmother. Amma, my grandmother, tells me stories that her grandmother had told her when she was little. When there were no houses and only caves. Back when bear shifters preferred to stay shifted as bears the whole time. She tells me stories about the woods. How the clan used to rule the forest and everything within it. All of nature lived in peace back then, she used to say.” A smile danced on Rose’s face as she idly sipped wine and stared into the fire, reminiscing tales. “Things have been different for a long time now. We have our rituals and traditions and superstitions, but what you see around is how it has been for a long time. I grew up a regular girl. I went to regular middle and high school, and then I went to university. I just kept a secret. Everyone in the village just keeps that same secret, and we’re doing just fine. You’re not even the first human to come to the village, you know,” Rose divulges. She hasn’t been this chatty ever since I’d known her, I think. Perhaps, it’s the wine.

  “Are there any other humans in the village right now?” I ask, curious.

  “Yeah, Rigsby’s wife. Tatiana,” Rose says as if I know who she is. “Their daughter, Rin, is a bear shifter, though.”

  I don’t let it show, but the news that another human lives in the village brings me some peace of mind. I suddenly feel a little less alone, a little less like an outsider.

  “You’ll fit right in,” Rose reassures me as she notices me getting lost in thought. “It’s really not that different, you know. I’ve been to university. It’s a regular village, except that there’s some bear shifting around that you don’t get to see in school,” Rose chuckles. She says the word university like she studied in Britain.

  I imagine what Rose would look like after shifting. The more I think about Joshua in his bear form, the more I start to grow a liking for his bear. It’s all raw power and strength, but underneath all that fur, flesh, and bones, is Joshua. It’s all just him. The same beating heart.

  “Do you like shifting?” I ask Rose, not knowing if it will be considered rude.

  “Not much. I got a lot of practice not shifting when I was in school,” Rose admits.

  Rose and I chat for the rest of the afternoon, and we drink enough wine to be tipsy. We both feel pretty guilty about it after the fact, but I am certain it’s going to become our thing for spending some girl-time together. I look forward to it. I walk back to Joshua’s apartment, and he is home already. My face lights up at the sight of him, and I find it interesting that merely his presence can make my day. He has a charming, child-like smile on his face for no reason. It makes me want to wrap my hands around his neck and bury my fingers in his hair. I hope he doesn’t mind the wine on me, I think to myself inching closer to him.

  Joshua doesn’t understand what I want when he catches me looking deep into his eyes. I want to tell him, I get it. I want to tell him, I think I understand now. I want to tell him I know him better in a way that I didn’t before. But none of it is quite what I want to say. The closest thing I can think of is that it’s like I’m seeing him for the first time. Since I can’t find the words for it, I let the softness of my kisses make him understand instead.

  Chapter 18 – Joshua

  I smell the wine on Jessica. I want to ask questions, but I stop myself. She hasn’t lived a whole month in my apartment, I don’t want her to think I'm paranoid, or worse, a control freak. I am curious, though. It’s the first time Jessica has left the apartment other than the times we went out for lunch.

  “Is that wine?” I ask.

  “Mhm,” is all that Jessica answers.

  “You didn’t need to drink alone. You could’ve waited for me. I’d love to have wine with you,” I say and consider the delightful offer. Sounds divine. Jessica and I and wine!

  “I didn’t drink alone,” Jessica replies as she snakes her arms around me.

  She’s definitely drunk.

  “I drank with Rose. We talked all afternoon.” She pauses then lets go. “I think I love her,” she shares unabashedly. It makes me laugh.

  “Now I want to know what she did,” I say. The implication of my words hit both of us at the same time, and we both tense up a little. I shake the thought from my head. It’s too soon. But is it too soon? Before my thoughts can go spiraling, Jessica comes nearer and entangles her arms around me once again. This time she presses into my chest. Not on purpose. She just falls on top of me. I feel her round breasts into my chest and clear my throat to sort of inform Jessica that she’s in dangerous territory. To my surprise and horror, Jessica doesn’t heed. Instead, she presses herself even more against me.

  “What did you guys talk about?” I ask, stalling. Jessica mumbles syllables into my ears, but I can’t make any sense of it.

  With her arms still around my neck, Jessica places her chin on my chest. I put an arm on her waist to steady her.

  “Are you okay? I ask. It feels like she’s withering in my arms.

  “Mhm,” is her response again. Her voice is low. Almost like a meow of a cat. It makes her sound adorable.

  I don’t quite understand what I can do to help her as she closes any remaining space between us. She will be so embarrassed when she is sober. The thought makes me chuckle.

  She sighs as if trying to tell me something.

  “How can I help you?” I ask sincerely. Jessica pulls away to take a look at me. The look in her eyes is dangerous, and I am not sure if I’ll be able to control myself this time.

  Chapter 19 – Jessica

  I stare at Joshua hoping he sees the burning desire in my eyes. I know I’m a little drunk, but not drunk enough. I know what I want from him.

  There is confusion on Joshua’s face, and I realize I need to do something to clear all the doubts in his mind about what I want.

  I grab Joshua’s t-shirt from its collar and pull him towards me. I kiss him on the mouth as he leans down. I prod open his lips and stick my tongue inside. He flinches a little, taken aback from the action. I feel victorious and continue to explore the softness of his mouth. It starts soft and slow. We’re just idly drowning in the sensation, in the closeness. I let go of Joshua’s t-shirt and put my arms around him instead. He takes that as a cue and places his hand on my waist. Except that he doesn’t stop at my waist. His hand goes lower and rests on my ass. Joshua gives it a good squeeze and pins me to himself. I suddenly feel thankful that I am on the pill. Joshua has seen me take a few himself. The thought both excites me and makes me feel embarrassed. I’m jumping to conclusions.

  The tender kisses that taste like sunshine are soon replaced by a stormy hunger. I find myself craving for Joshua like I’d forgotten how to breathe, and he’s the only one who could teach me how.

  I suck Joshua’s lower lip until I feel satisfied as my hands clutch his hair. He picks me up while we’re still kissing and takes me to the bedroom. My nipples harden under the fabric of my t-shirt and being pressed against Joshua like I am, I’m sure he can feel them too. The thought is confirmed when I arch into him accidentally, and he lets out a groan at contact.

  Joshua puts me on the bed and straddles me while we make out. His weight is right above my core which makes me tighten up. Joshua interrupts our kiss to take my t-shir
t off. There is a serious, dark look in his eyes that makes him look even hotter than usual. I place a hand on his muscled arm in hopes that he’ll lean down to kiss me again, but he doesn’t. Apparently, Joshua has other plans. He slides a hand under me. I lift myself up to give him space, and he unhooks my black bra with deft fingers. It only takes him one try which makes me wonder if he does this a lot. I let the stupid thought disappear as soon as it had come.

  Joshua intently gazes at my breasts, and I can’t help but melt under his scrutiny. I want him to move, to do something, anything except staring at me like that as though I am dessert. I bite my lip, feeling embarrassed and refuse to meet his glance.

  Joshua’s eyes take in my breasts, and the next moment his face is buried in them. I moan loudly as Joshua takes my right breast into his mouth and squeezes it. He nibbles at it, licking everywhere with his tongue. The soft, warm feel of his mouth makes my eyes roll back into my skull. I stick my fingers in his hair as he continues to massage my right boob with his mouth. When he’s satisfied, he moves to the left one and repeats the whole ritual. He takes my right nipple in his fingers and rubs it with his thumb while he feasts on my other breast. I find myself almost chanting Joshua’s name which encourages him even more. I can feel the tension build in my core where Joshua’s weight is still pinning me.

  After he is done with my breasts, Joshua kisses my lips again. Hot, hungry kisses as he crashes on top of me. I take the hem of his t-shirt and tug at it. Joshua briefly takes his lips away from mine and swiftly pulls his t-shirt over his head and throws it on the floor. I almost gasp at the sight of his shirtless body. I stick my hand between us before Joshua can press down on me again. I run my hand all over his chiseled chest while we kiss harder and faster. I try to push my hand a little under Joshua’s trousers, but he stops me. He takes both of my hands and pins them above my head in response. I feel cheated. I wrestle his tongue in protest and feel his smirk grow while his chest squeezes my breasts under him. My nipples rub against his skin, and the contact feels divine.